Interviewing Myself

"I never want to see anyone, and I never want to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to write.” – P.G. Wodehouse

Some days, like Wodehouse, all I want to do is write. I don’t want to leave my office, drive anywhere, interview anyone or write one more article based on someone else’s expertise.

Unfortunately, being a freelance writer frequently requires me to do just that, to interview people, in person and on the phone. Some days though, like today, after having finished three interviews, all I want to do is spend some time by myself.

In many ways, interviewing can be exhausting. For one thing, it requires me to be in a hyper state of alertness, paying close attention to everything that is said and not said. Like a ventriloquist, I have to throw myself at the source. Not literally, of course, but figuratively. Unlike a ventriloquist, instead of throwing my voice into a dummy, I have to throw my brain into someone else’s head.

As the interviewer, it’s my job to set myself aside and, often within the space of just a few minutes, figure out the source’s entire life story, or at least as much of it as is relevant to the article. In some ways, I have to become an instant expert on the person and the person’s field, which isn’t possible, of course, but when you’re a freelance writer on deadline, you do the best you can.

Interviews can be particularly trying if the source is difficult (second-guessing my questions, forcing me to bow down before what I can only describe as their self-appointed importance, insinuating I’m ignorant for not already knowing the answers to my questions when, not once, do I expect them to know how to write). And don’t get me started on sources who mumble or go on and on about the general corruptness and ineptness of all forms of media, (including but not limited to newspapers, magazines, radio and TV) while insinuating they could do a much better job and asking me to clean up their grammar and not use the best quotes.

On the other hand, some interviews can be enjoyable, even fun. The source is relaxed and forthcoming. The topic is interesting but not technically overwhelming. But even then, after the interview itself is completed, there’s the tediousness of filling in my notes and listening and re-listening to the audio recording (if there is one), to figure out if the fast-talking source said she did or didn’t like to plant roses in her garden.

And we haven’t even started writing the article yet.

Which is why, every so often, on a day like today, I take some time to write something that doesn’t require an interview, unless you count the interview with myself, which only took a few minutes. To matters even better, not once during the entire encounter did I insult my intelligence, tell myself how to do my own job or get off the track. At no point did I have to repeat myself because I talked too fast or was I forced to tread on thin ice for fear of offending myself. Unlike a lot of sources I won’t mention, I didn’t hold the interview on a cell phone while driving through a tunnel, expect me to talk over the sound of my dog barking in the background or demand to see the copy ahead of time to make sure every word made me look unnaturally smart.